Back to reality

My duck was here. It was fulfilling and renewing, it was actually religious.

Now he's gone and I'm not that sad. Supongo que estoy acostumbrada a los cambios y no creo mucho en las cosas estaticas. Todo cambia todo el tiempo.

Además, ahora que Pato se fue me siento 2000% más entusiasmada a buscar empleo. Desde YA estoy aplicando a ofertas de trabajo. Pra arrumar um dinheiro logo e me mandar.

"negocio é ficar rico logo e se mandar"

And I love him.
A lot.

what really grinds my gears

I've said it thousand of times, and still some people just don't get it.

There is nothing in the entire world that grinds my gears as being ignored. I know I'm not the most interesting person on the earth and I know I something talk about silly topics but man, it pissed the hell out of me when people I care about pretend to be listening while paying absolutely no attention to me.

I guess I can relate to cheating girlfriends on that, lcd once told me that the main reason on why he cheats on her fiacee is because he takes her for granted and he is not there for her at times.I'm not saying I'm an attention whore or anything because God knows I don't even like being the center of attention, I'm just saying that I like it when men considere what I say deserves being listen.

Being lied to doesnt irritates me, and I'm not jealous or anything, the only thing that pissed me off is being ignored.

Man I'm so fucking mad right now.

What I did

This year:
-Worked as a pre-school teacher and as a customer service representative.
-Commited myself to a relationship.
-Learned the power of speaking.
-Start using the mail to send letters, greetings and postcards.
-Joined postcrossing.
-Added more deviations than any other year.
-Realized how much I like art history.
-Considered studying museology
-Got affected by my parents sick relationship.
-Started wearing make-up on a daily basis.
-Found out I'm pretty.
-Was bitchier, emoer, dramaqueener than ever.
-Met a new keeper.

Navidad

A few days ago I realized that this year was unlike any other year because even tho' every year is different from the last one, this one was particulary strange for one reason: I was absent. Absent from this place, from my life...absent from myself. I didn't live this year, I was on auto-drive.

My life stoped on Guarulhos Airport december 2008 and even tho my body was in Panamá, my heart and soul stayed in Brasil.

I'm not saying it was right for me to live on a reality that no longer exists, I'm just saying the facts.

Happy Birthday Jesus.
<3

En busca del tiempo perdido

Proust.

-I'm a multitasking girl so it's hard for me to focus on doing just on thing. That's prolly because I'm a child of the internet era when you can be at many places at the same time and do many things while being there. You can split yourself into many different beings. You can be both the sinner and the judge. You can be both guilty and innocent. Huhu ! nice plot--

Para muestra, un boton: ahora mismo escribo en mi blog, mientra escucho musica, divido la ropa pa llevar a lavar, hago mi tarea de Marketing y planeo lo que haré en los proximos minutos. Es triste e interesante.


Recuerdo ahora una cita de un libro que ando leyendo "La senda del chamán" de Raúl de la Rosa, en una parte el protagonista le pregunta a una suerte de hermitaó siberiano, cual es la principal diferencia entra la forma en que el vive su vida, y la forma occidental de vivir; a lo que el hermitaño le responde que es algo muy simple: cuando él tiene ganas de comer, come; cuando tiene sueño, duerme; si esta cansado, se sienta...El protagonista le dice que eso es lo mismo que hacen todas las personas, y el hermitaño le dice que en realidad no, porque si cuando tienes hambre vas a comer y estas pensando en otra cosa, o tu mente esta en otro lugar, la experiencia se pierde.

Tengo que comenzar a practicar eso.
Dejar de preocuparme.

wishlist

Juan José Millás - El mundo

Planes de contingencia

Nada es 100%. No existen los absolutos, y como nada es absolutamente seguro, a veces vale la pena tener planes de contingencia. Del tipo de: "si no paso en la escuela de medicina me hago carnicero. Sort of.

So if "everything else" fails, as it most likely will, I'm turning an AV for life. Like, totally give myself to art and stop pursuing world's pleasures such as love, sex and friendship, well, not like I'll totally turn my face to men, I'll just stop thinking they can solve all my issues. Maybe love is not always the answer.

I'm not sad or mad at all. As a matter of facts I just fell...aware. Aware that perfect anything doesnt exists, aware that everything fails eventually and that boyfriends can easily get bored of ladyfriends. I guess that's life.

It kinda scared me a little to see that I can break easily, I mean, emotionaly speaking. When I see the things I used to falling apart I break this easy. Men, it scared the hell out of me to see myself in that situation, of losing what I think should last forever...so yes, I better start making side planes. You know. Just in case.

Thank you destiny, thank you providence.